


Stronger

by Cake and Pi (Tarrin)



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3859801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarrin/pseuds/Cake%20and%20Pi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He bet Superman never had to deal with this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stronger

He was tough. Strong. He could handle extreme temperatures with little discomfort (though he had learned that _handling_ was different from _liking_ ). Could withstand extreme pressures - and the lack of pressure too (though the latter felt odd). He was, in essence, indestructible. In fact, besides Kryptonite, the only thing that could hurt him was himself.

His bones were Kryptonian (actually only _half_ but that didn’t matter - except that it did). So were his muscles. He had to be careful to not use too much force, but it was difficult to control his emotions in battle, when every instinct yelled for him to hit fast and hard and to not hold back. On more than one occasion he wound up injuring himself, when he braced himself wrong and broke his own bones. Tore his ligaments and tendons. Caused himself _pain_. He might be half human but he was also half Kryptonian, so it was never a lingering problem like Wally’s broken arm. But it was annoying, those times he had to benched from missions.

He bet Superman never had to deal with this.

Then he started using the shields. And the high from them was greater than what he got from fighting. Because now he _was_ as good as Superman, just for a little while, but a little while was all he needed. Words like ‘addiction’ and ‘reliance’ flitted in the background of his head, where he knew the names of many things. He ignored them. And if he wound up hurting himself more often, well, that was okay. It let him focus on something beyond the whispered discussions his teammates had about him when they thought he couldn’t hear over No Signal. Let him ignore the worried touch of M'gann’s mind. Let him ignore that he would never be as good as Superman.

Except.

Except he hated them.

Hated that they came from Lex Luthor.

Hated that it gave Luthor a way to control him.

Hated that he could never clearly remember what he did when he used them.

Hated that Superman would _never_ have to use them.

Hated the constant reminder that he couldn’t compare to Superman.

The decision to stop using the shields had been hard, even as much as he hated them. Or rather, the decision was easy, but making it stick, that was hard. It was too easy to find a reason to use them. And then he ran out of shields, and he had never needed, never _craved_ anything before in his short life beyond Superman’s recognition (though he didn’t need that, he _didn’t_ ). But now he did.

He decided to tell the team, about the shields, about Luthor, though that had been terrifying. He didn’t tremble, his voice didn’t falter, but his heart had beat faster than it ever did in the middle of battle, because now he realized there was more than one way to hurt him. The team had somehow become his _weakness_ , something that could be exploited, and even if he had been full Kryptonian, that wouldn’t be enough to guard against this.

After they ambushed Luthor, Queen Bee, and Sportsmaster on Santa Prisca, he thought he’d feel different. He had turned down the shields, had left them behind, had left them though it’d be easy enough to take Sphere and Wolf and go get them, just in case. A short trip, there and back here and no one had to be the wiser. He sat with Kaldur instead, watching the waves on the beach. The sky was dark, covered in clouds that boomed with thunder. He felt Kaldur’s eyes on him, watching, observing, but respecting that he didn’t want to talk just now. M'gann’s mind hovered at the edge of his senses, her focus elsewhere as she waited for him to be ready to come in and talk.

He hadn’t been enough to take down Blockbuster on his own. That grated against him, one more thing that he wasn’t strong enough to do on his own. And yet, with the team, they had beaten him. They had overwhelmingly won the fight on Santa Prisca. So maybe the team wasn’t only a weakness.

After all, he had only known the names of many things only six months before. If the team had never come to Cadmus, he might still have never seen the sun with his own eyes. Or the moon. Or met M'gann. Or any number of things.

And maybe that made him at least as strong as Superman, to be able to admit he needed the team, needed M'gann and Kaldur and the rest. To be able to admit he still wanted Superman’s approval, even if by now he would probably never get it. And if he was as strong as Superman, who had never needed shields, then maybe he could be strong enough to not use them again. And maybe, if needing the team wasn’t a weakness, if Superman’s words from that morning were right, then he didn’t have to work on being that strong alone.


End file.
